Friday, September 30, 2005

Cream crackered

Just felt like adding a random image to my blog,
One of my closest friends, Nic at her wedding with my dog Lucy.

Feeling cream crackered this morning, boyfriend and I just couldn't get to sleep last night we were still wide awake around 4-ish, we were generally talking and being silly! He set the alarm for early this morning but we both managed to sleep through it. He was going on a course and being picked up at 9am.....I wake with a start at 8.37am for some random reason look at my watch, elbow him in the side and we both do a sprint round the house, me getting stuff ready and him doing whatever blokes have to first thing in the morning. 9.01am, doorbell rings it is his lift and we both breath a sigh of relief.....Get this though, taste the irony, he is actually going on a one day time management course today, how funny!

I have that heavy tired feeling behind my eyes where I feel a little drugged and could pass out, don't feel quite connected with the world!

Still got the interview on the back of my mind, I don't think I have got the job, I never do....Think its really me, am a very people person and that job was so much dealing with clients, schmoozing (however you spell it!) Please, job-givers I would be great at it, give me a chance?? I have seen a couple more jobs I am going to stick applications in today but the deadlines aren't for a while so wont have any interviews in the pipeline for a few weeks.

Think am going to do some freelance reporting stuff....

BED, BED, BED.....ummmmm

We have been watching lots of South Park from the old sky+ and last night watched "
Mr Hanky the Christmas poo" Well you couldn't argue South park to be juvenile, toilet humor could you??? You have got to see it to believe it, I nearly vommed seeing Mr Hanky leaving his of the cutest funniest bits is Kyles Christmas song.

Anyway, guess I have to go take Lucy (see above) to the park for a run.

Take it easy

Thursday, September 29, 2005


So, I didnt over prepare for this interview and in some ways I felt a little calmer about it. I slobbed around in my pj's up until about 10 as I saw no point in dressing twice. I then carefully got my suit out and shoved it on. I was in shock as to how business like I looked, it did wonders for making me look thin too! I was having huge dilemas as to whether the two buttons should be open or shut. I opted for the shut as it held in my tummy!

When my cab arrived he commented on my outfit and said "you look like you mean business" we had a chat whilst I was sat in the back which was nice. It took my mind and nerves off the whole thing. He used to own his own business and gave me some little tricks. He was very complementory and said I was a really smiley, chatty, personable kind of girl who people would warm too quickly which made me feel really good actually. I don't want to sound like I have an ego cuz really, trust me, I don't but I know I am not crap, I know I have lots to offer and I know I am really great with people I wish somebody would just give me an effing chance.

The interview itself was fine, went in there all business like, selling myself left, right and centre and did't seem phased by any of the questions......I left feeling "I just dont have a clue". I asked her how many applied she said 80 but they were only interviewing 3, wish I got it. I sometimes fantasize in my head about somebody calling me up and saying "just thought we would let you know, we would like to offer you the job". The feelings of elation must be amazing....I miss not working SO, SO, SO much.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005


I got the job spec from the person that is going to be interviewing me today, you see the job I applied for only had a 5 line ad so I knew nothing else.....So I am sitting here reading it thinking "god, can I do corperate fundraising?" The thing is I know I can, I know in some small way I kick ass and who better to represent the charity and eek money out of companies then a guide dog owner themselves....If I say so myself my dog is stunning (see picture, but ignore me and the article I had know idea such crap could be written!) and that helps the cause too. I just know my stupid head is going to getting mixed up and everything I have ever done will disappear from my memory.

Going to hopsital for an appointment tomorrow, hope it all goes well and get the results I wanted and can get the tests I need. I hate hospitals, such damn depressing places. Short of giving you a medical history of myself I think I am going to go to the doctors tomorrow as well as my other ear is now hurting, think have infection in that one now. Its making me a little grouchy and "under the weather" as my mother would say.

What delights may we have recorded on sky+ tonight!

Monday, September 26, 2005


Well, been a while since I blogged here....whats gone in my life. Got an interview for the guide dogs job I applied for. V pleased but quite nervous-its on thursday at so if anyone is reading this wish me luck! I feel a bit funny about it as I went to the same office for another guide dog job a month ago and didnt get it. Its a really small office and I am not the sort of person you forget so it will be like "hi, its me AGAIN".

Went and got a suit for my interview from that 100 quid, I hate wearing that kind of thing, it really isnt me at all, but I want to show them I mean business.

Been doing lots of reading up on interview techniques and stuff and one thing they keep mentioning over and over is eye contact and how important it is to give off the right signals. I am rubbish at eye contact, although I try and do it and know that it is very important, I don't do it automatically or subconciouslly I really have to think about it. I think this might be one of my subtle reasons why I am not getting jobs. I don't want to make a big deal of being visually impaired and don't really know what to say. I think maybe I look a bit vacant and passed people and if the lighting is wrong I just look where the voice is coming from. This isnt good and I hope I am wrong and that people interviewing me understand my issues.

Oh well off to cook dinner and watch some sky+ my boyfriend has just got it and I didnt realise how cool it was actually going to be!

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Bad mood

Deary lordy, I havent been in such a bad mood for ages, I don't even know where it came from. I woke up and had to do some research for some freelance stuff I am doing as I had to speak to a contributor at 9am. It all went wrong, the DVD player wouldnt work so I couldnt watch what I had to, my laptop kept crashing and I had no idea where I was going to start. That started it off and I have, ever since been in a grump. I am in the kind of mood where nothing satisfys me and I could fly off the handle at any point (sorry in advance boyfriend if you are reading this!) Its not usually like me.

Feeling job frustrated today, I put in an application for a job with guide dogs yesterday but don't think its going to materialise. Again I don't ever really think about this or dwell on it but I wish I could see properly life would be soooo much easier and there would be far more doors open to me which are locked solidy with reinforced steel!

Whinge, whinge, whinge....Really do appologise!

Tuesday, September 20, 2005


Ear is feeling better today although there are still twangs and when I touch the left side of my face it is very tender and makes me flinch.

Today is a down day, not feeling hideously down but suitably fed up with joblessness. I looked at the local courses at hammersmith and fulham adult education and just didnt see anything I wanted to do at all....I am now trying to fix up some volunteer work. Looking at the do-it website. I can see the purpose of doing volunteer work to meet more people and get contacts but I find it hard. I have done so much unpaid work both here and in America and thought I had moved on from all of this. I had a great job, ok money and thought things were going good. Now I feel inferior and inadequet. I am in charge of my own destiny, I realise and keep picking myself up as I always will!

Moving on too something different. We went to sainsburys at the top of the road last night and got junk food, pepporoni pizza and carrot and walnut cake. Pizza was scrum although I felt guilty as hell for eating it but the walnut cake was a bit dissappointing. Nothing better than sitting down when its all cold and depressing outside then to sit down with a gorg cup of tea and piece of cake huggled next to your boyf......ummmmm

Right will get back to surfing and enquiring about doing constructive things with my life!

Monday, September 19, 2005


I fell asleep last night listening to an audiobook (Mo Hayder Birdman) with headphones squished in to my ears. When I woke this morning at 5.30 I had this incredible pain in my lugholes and have got a blinking ear infection. I have OCD about cleaning my ears out and I have tried to minimise my cotton bud usage to a minimum. I now use this stuff you squirt in to your ear. So I don't know if this is due to my obsessions with over squirting, over budding or the headphones. I am prone to ear infections but havent had one for a couple of years. Its making me feel a bit misserable and drained.

Boyfriend is working at home today so I am sat in the lounge with my laptop, made bean, tomato and bacon wraps for lunch and now fancy a hazelnut cookie and cup of tea.

Got some more irons in the fire with regards jobs a couple of agency people are putting my CV forward for some jobs but not really sure they are my kind of thing.

Sunday, September 18, 2005


This has been playing on my mind a bit......I won't go into too much detail, but I am currently not working, doing a bit of freelance here and there and going to do some nannying for a friend. So desperate to get back to work you would not believe, for my sanity, dignity, finances and every other emotion under the sun.

So, I went to see a DEA (disability employment advisor) a couple of weeks back, a fat jolly lady whom on the surface knew what, say the
RNIB was and the name of the access techonology I use to be able to see a computer (zoomtext) but other than that was pretty inafectual and wouldn't have understood the emotional or practical side of being a VI jobseeker (maybe its not her job I don't know??)

Anyhoo, she mentioned that I could claim my travel expenses no matter where it was for myself and another person but also £100 to buy clothes for an interview....At first my pride stopped me and I thought ef off, hand outs from the government na uh uh!! Now, however, my mood has changed and I have decided to accept it graciously. So I am eagerly awaiting my next interview (you need to prove you have one by sending in a letter inorder to get your grubby hands on the cash!) and then I am off to spend their dosh. Question is, is it just disableds who get this or is it everyone? If so why would this be?

Not complaining nor nuffink!

Saturday, September 17, 2005


I pose to you a question?

Why do I have one foot bigger than the other. Just went in to town today to get some new trainers, well actually they are converse boots. So I am standing in the shop looking at the sizes and my boyfriend says to me "well arent you going to try them on? No, I reply size 5 always fits me no hassles". Size 5 does always fit me no probs but I forgot occassionally it doesnt. This time it didn't hit me until it was too late and I got them home!

At home, I sit on the edge of the bed and eagerly unpack my brand spanking new shoes from the bag and put them on. Left foot goes on fine, then I put my right foot in and struggle a little. I tie them up and walk up and down, like your mum used to tell you to in the shoe shops when you were a kid (god I used to hate shoe shopping!) My toes seemed a little squished and I think time will tell whether they are going to rub or not. More importantly I am going to have to scuff them up a bit. I hate new trainers, I feel like such a geek wearing them its so obvious and some how a little embarrassing, not quite sure why!

Going off to cook some chicken thai green curry now...ummm :)

Wednesday, September 14, 2005


I love my parents dearly but the question is this, why do I revert back to acting like a 12 year old when they bring something up I don't like? Prime example is today, we are sitting round happily when suddenly the talk of jobs comes up. I am feeling very sensitive about all of this at the moment and I just don't like talking about it all that much. Call me cowardly and life dodging if you like. When "serious" talk crops up something snaps in my head and I turn into a stroppy teenager, I can feel myself doing it and hate it.

I think I need a personality transplant or something

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Something new

Do you know what? I discovered a fascinating fact today, the thing is, I reckon nobody else in the world would be vaguely interested except me. It involves eggs, hens eggs, does anybody care about eggs or is it just me? If you do maybe I can teach you something new.

How to tell the freshness of an egg, and its not simply seeing whether it sinks or floats....If an egg sinks horizontally at the bottom of some water it is ultra fresh, if it tips up and sits proud like humpty dumpty but still submerged, then it is not so fresh and if it is floating on top of the water half of its little egg body exposed to the fresh air then it really should be lobbed away.

Keep watching for more fascinating facts (maybe not!!)

The First Post

I will set the scene, its around 2.15 on a grey, wet day in London. My boyfriend is in the kitchen cooking me lunch, its a suprise, he's got the door shut to the kitchen, I had a faint waft of tuna and had to find a tin of chopped tomatoes and thats all I know!

I have had two blogs in my lifetime as a blogger but never kept to them for more than a day or two. This time I am determined to. I need to get in to a routine of storing my ideas up and then putting fingers to keyboard and writing them up here.

I smell tuna even more now and I am really hungry, trying to do the GI diet and there is not much in the house to eat.

I want a really good book to get in to, I have just discoverd Mo Hayder and read "The Treatment" it was totally and utterly disturbing but I now want a book of equally disturbing proportions to get hooked to as well!!!